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Author Topic: Twilight etc...  (Read 11433 times)
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Beefy
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« Reply #50 on: March 27, 2009, 12:14:54 PM »

I finished it last night.  While I am clearly not the target audience, there were aspects of the film that were just bad or silly.  It took a few narrative turns in the second half that I didn't see coming, so good on them for that.  It certainly seemed pretty sure of itself that a sequel would be forthcoming.

or three.

And possibly a spinoff.

Also -- Edward is NOT PRETTY ENOUGH!


Are you crazy?  It reminds moviewatchers ever 18 minutes that he's DAZZLING.  Sheesh.


More like six minutes.
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Jessie
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« Reply #51 on: March 27, 2009, 12:51:23 PM »

Reading Twilight inspired someone to write this.  I wish I was kidding.



Real Immortals

January 22, 2009

Ch. 1

      Well.. this is boring.  Iím just sitting here in this dark room waiting for something to happen, anything at all.  Most people say ..Mike you are my hero, you are the greatest person on Earth!  Iím not sure what to think about that, I mean I just think of myself as average, I never used to be a so called hero.  I actually used to be quite the opposite.

      About 15 years ago when I was 18 I just finished high school and I was ready to rule the world.  Donít get me wrong.  I loved High School.  I had that awkward freshman year when my hair was a mess and I felt awkward around girls, and then I had my great moments where I was the hottest guy in school with all the girls throwing themselves at me and I was Spartan High Schoolís Quarterback.  I even won a couple trophyís.  Playing football actually helped build my muscles which even I thought looked good.. but I never let it get to my head.  I never felt like I was better than anyone else.  I guess that has to do with the way I was raised.  Most girls thought I was cute, telling me that I had the softest brown hair which I actually wore in a ponytail a little longer than my shoulders.  They were always trying to braid it.  I would just laugh at them.  I donít know why but I never felt  interested in any girls at my school.  I never felt like we had a lot in common.  I also had a slight tan from being outside a lot.  I have big blue eyes with long black lashes and not sure why but it always looked like  I was wearing eyeliner on the bottom.  I have fairly full lips for a guy and a sharp pronounced jawline.  Probably the kind of guy you would see becoming an actor or model.  ďha haĒ.  Well at least thatís what girls would tell me.

      I loved hanging out with the guys and we would meet at my friendís garage some afternoons after school to  play in our teenage band called ďTwisted ViolinĒ It wasnít the typical band that you would see in the small town of Spartan, South Carolina.  It was more of a Christian Rock band that included Violins and Flutes.  I have always loved the sound of the Violin.  We played that Violin in ways that some people never knew you could play it.  My four friends Andy who was about 6í2íí, short brown hair, brown eyes and thin build was the shyest of us all.  But funny when you least expected it.  He played the Guitar.  Bobby, who was a shorter guy around 5í8íí and was a little on the larger side was a laid back type of guy.  He was real cool to hang out with and someone who you could always talk to.  He played the Bass.  Then there was Tony who was an average looking guy, about 5í10íí blue eyes, blonde spikey hair, he played the drums.  Adam who was the last to join our group had about shoulder length hair, looked almost black and it was always hanging in his eyes, he was probably about 6í tall and had a very exciting type of personality, he seemed to like that gothic type of look.  He played the Keyboard and sometimes the flute.  We played at our friends birthday parties, we also got to play sometimes in a couple of our churches around town.  It was fun, I miss high school.  But not as much as I miss the years after it.  We had too much fun during my college years.

      So that was my childhood.  I couldnít have asked for better parents.  Iím an only child and I had good friends and  great experiences.  As of my last birthday I am now 33.  My birthday is actually on Valentines day.  I didnít  plan anything big for my birthday, after 32 parties you get kind of tired of them.  But my friends decided to throw this big party for me at our only fancy hotel in Spartan.  Invited the whole city and made me dress in a suit and tie.  I have to admit it was a lot of fun.  I can actually dance very well.  My current friends I met while working at the papermill part time while going to college full time.  There names are Toby and Emily.  They are married now, but at the time they were dating.  Emily has curly long brown hair and brown eyes. Sheís about 5í8íí.  Very sweet personality.  Toby is a stronger build, shaved head and green eyes.  He is about 5í11íí and sometimes has a 5 oíclock shadow.  Has more of a rounder childish looking face.  He is extremely friendly and is always helping others.  I would say he was more of a mentor to me.  Showed me the ways of life and how to get a good job.  I still work part time at the papermill, not because I have to, but because I want to.  Itís great to get a little extra income, and they have flexible hours.

      You might be wondering why would someone throw me a huge party and invite the whole city?  Well itís because Iím a little different.  I didnít know I was different until I was about 21.  While I was in college, my friends would do some crazy things.  They wanted to go camping in the Smokey Mountains one weekend and while we were there they wanted to show off for these girls and bring them home a picture of them hunting a bear.  They spread food by the campfire and opened jars of peanut butter and honey and we sat all day in a tree waiting for a bear to come out.  I was getting bored and tired and decided to take a nap in my tent which was about 20 feet from the campfire.  I woke up to a rustling noise and some low growls.  I knew there was a bear about 5 feet from my tent.. I decided to just stay still and it wouldnít bother me.  Bobby and Tony was smart enough to wait till the bear was closer to the food and started shooting.  The bear went crazy and started climbing the tree that they were sitting on.  I tried to save them by taking my shoes and opened the zipper to my tent just a little bit and I threw the shoes by him.  One shoe hit his leg but he didnít even move.  Bobby was trying to reload his gun and Tony tried to shoot him again at point blank range but the bear swung his arm at Tony and Tony dropped his gun.  I decided to run to the food and throw it at the bear so maybe he would be more interested in that.  Although Iím sure heís mad to already have some bullets in him and nothing will calm him down now.  At the time I wasnít thinking of that.

      The bear got mad and in one bound he was only inches from my face.. I kind of panicked and fell to the ground thinking heíll leave me alone.  Instead he swung his claws right at me and tore half the skin off of my leg.  Left a big gash that wouldnít stop bleeding.  Just at that moment Bobby shot the bear right in the head and the bear let out a big growl and ran into the forest.  Bobby shot him a couple more times and decided to wait before trying to find him after he takes me to the hospital.  When I got to the hospital, my leg stopped bleeding and it looked like a small knife wound.  The doctorís didnít believe that I just got mauled by a bear.  My friends were shocked that the wound wasnít bigger for how much blood was coming out.. I tried to tell them that it was bigger.  The next day the cut was almost completely healed.  I knew I mustíve had some good genes in order to heal that fast.  Usually a wound llike that would take 2 weeks to heal and would need a lot more stitches.

      I wanted to do some research on my family history.  I started asking my mom about her parents and my dad about his.  My mom started acting really weird.  I could tell she was holding information from me.  One day when my father wasnít in the house I sat her down and decided to have a serious talk.  I was 21 at the time and said I need to know the truth.  I then told her about my crazy incident in the forest, which I knew she wouldnít like.  She totally overreacted and made me promise to not do anything like that again.  I told her I wouldnít.  She then told me how she never told anyone what she was about to tell me.  She even thought it was a dream.  She remembers one day when she was dating my father this weird dream that she had.  She was about to get married that weekend and just figured it was her nerves that made her dream something so weird.  My mother then started telling me how this ghost came to visit her and she was soo scared that she hid under the covers.  This ghost then proceeded to tell her how he wasnít a ghost that he was an Angel.  The way he talked was so smooth.  She has never heard a voice like his.  He told her how He thought she was the most beautiful thing he has ever scene.  How he doesnít want her to get married.  She looked at him and he was the most handsomest guy she has ever scene.  He was glowing.  Not like the movies, but a beautiful soft glow.  He had long wavy brown hair and bright blue eyes.  She asked what his name was and he said My name is Michael.   He said how he has been watching her for some time and would love to talk to her and get to know her more.  She said that would be fine.  He told her to get some sleep and heíll come back the next night.

      She thought she was dreaming and didnít think anything of it.  Well she said she actually couldnít stop thinking about him but thought it was just a dream.  That night she saw him again.  She was so excited.  She said he came to sit next to her and she could feel her pulse quicken, her veins alive with energy.  He talked so smoothly to her that she forgot about everything else.  She would just stare into his eyes.  He slowly kissed my mother and told her how much he Loved her.  She skipped over all the details but did say that he made love to her.  The next day was her wedding day and she still thought it mustíve been a dream.  How else would some stranger appear in her room.  After her wedding to my father she never saw the angel again.  She found out she was pregnant 3 weeks later, but assumed it was my fatherís baby.  She told me how maybe the Angel was real, maybe that would explain how I have no scar where the bear scratched me. That maybe Iím actually part Angel?

      Well.. I just stared at my mom and was kind of shocked.  The realization of maybe my father isnít really my father didnít really hit me.  An Angel.. my father?  I just went to my room to think about it.  There is no way an Angel could sleep with a human.  Is there?  Why would an Angel do that?  What if it was a fallen Angel.  Satanís Angel?  What if Iím evil!  I decided to do some research online about Angels.  I sat at my pre-made computer desk.  One of those types you buy at Wal-Mart and takes you like 2 hours to put together.  Flipped up my laptop and went to one of those search engines and typed Angel.  To my surprise a lot of information came up on Angelís.  There is actually more than one type of Angel.  It says Angels are spiritual beings known to be messengers of God.  There is special categories such as cherubim, seraphim, and the archangel.  It says that Angels donít have physical bodies but they can appear human when the needs arise.  When looking at them in spiritual form, they are usually wearing a dazzling white, a white that could never be from earth and their bodies are a blazing glory, they glow with such a brilliant light.  They said some Angelís have fallen and were sent to earth with Satan.  I believe this must be the type of Angel that fell in love with my mom.  I think he mustíve been hurt when she got married and then decided to leave her alone.  I wonder if he knows Iím his son!  If he is a fallen Angel.  I wonder if heís evil.. he mustíve been to decide to sleep with my mother.  For I know that isnít allowed.  Well I donít know the whole story but itís kind of exciting to be part Angel.  I wonder if I have any supernatural powers?  I already know I heal fast.  I wonder if I could fly?  Use mostly my spirit to do things Angels can do?

      I went downstairs to speak to my mom.  She was in the kitchen cutting some potatoes.  Hey mom.

Hey Mike, so whatcha think?  Are you mad at me?

No Iím not mad at you mom.. Iím sure itís hard to resist an angel.

I really did think I was dreaming.  You know I love your fathÖ

Donít worry mom.. Dad is still my father.  I love him with all my heart.

Thatís good.. youíve always been my little angel!  No pun intended.. ha ha.
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we should have kept the quote pyramid up to rape Jessie in the face.
dazie
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« Reply #52 on: March 27, 2009, 02:56:06 PM »

Nope.  Got to the point where he said he won "trophy's" and had to stop.
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"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?
Jessie
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« Reply #53 on: March 27, 2009, 04:43:51 PM »

You should read it.  Pure entertainment. 
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we should have kept the quote pyramid up to rape Jessie in the face.
dazie
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« Reply #54 on: March 27, 2009, 04:57:18 PM »

Well, that can't ever be unread.   Roll Eyes
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"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?
Jessie
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« Reply #55 on: March 27, 2009, 05:05:30 PM »

Hahahahaha

It sure can't.

Right after reading that last night, I saw this and said, "OMG it's a christian rock band!"

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we should have kept the quote pyramid up to rape Jessie in the face.
dazie
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« Reply #56 on: April 01, 2009, 10:26:40 PM »

My friend Noel is such a goober.  She went to visit her brother (Number 6) in Seattle after he got out of the hospital and they took a bit of a side trip.

To Forks, Washington.  *lol*

Never figured she'd be in to abstinence porn, but she's hooked.

[attachment deleted by admin]
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"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?
Jessie
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« Reply #57 on: April 02, 2009, 08:30:56 AM »

abstinence porn?
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Jessie
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« Reply #58 on: April 02, 2009, 08:36:06 AM »

Oh is that the town where the vampires live?

God I'm slow this morning.
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we should have kept the quote pyramid up to rape Jessie in the face.
dazie
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« Reply #59 on: April 02, 2009, 08:53:03 AM »

abstinence porn?


http://current.com/items/89717038/twilight_abstinence_porn.htm

Oh is that the town where the vampires live?

God I'm slow this morning.


Yup.  On both.  Wink
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"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?
dazie
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« Reply #60 on: June 07, 2011, 07:42:02 AM »

My friend Noel is such a goober.  She went to visit her brother (Number 6) in Seattle after he got out of the hospital and they took a bit of a side trip.

To Forks, Washington.  *lol*

Never figured she'd be in to abstinence porn, but she's hooked.

[attachment deleted by admin]
[/quote

Oh God.  It's infested the whole family.  Noel's sister-in-law is pregnant, the child's name will be Jacob Edward James.


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"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?
Gamplayerx
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« Reply #61 on: June 07, 2011, 11:05:05 AM »

My friend Noel is such a goober.  She went to visit her brother (Number 6) in Seattle after he got out of the hospital and they took a bit of a side trip.

To Forks, Washington.  *lol*

Never figured she'd be in to abstinence porn, but she's hooked.

[attachment deleted by admin]
[/quote

Oh God.  It's infested the whole family.  Noel's sister-in-law is pregnant, the child's name will be Jacob Edward James.



Nice Jessie there.

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dazie
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« Reply #62 on: June 07, 2011, 12:26:33 PM »

My friend Noel is such a goober.  She went to visit her brother (Number 6) in Seattle after he got out of the hospital and they took a bit of a side trip.

To Forks, Washington.  *lol*

Never figured she'd be in to abstinence porn, but she's hooked.

[attachment deleted by admin]
[/quote

Oh God.  It's infested the whole family.  Noel's sister-in-law is pregnant, the child's name will be Jacob Edward James.



Nice Jessie there.

It's been a while.  Figured I'd see if it still worked.


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"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?
dc
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« Reply #63 on: June 09, 2011, 03:58:31 PM »

Put a stake through all of their hearts if they like shitty teen vampire slop that much.

Hated those books from the moment they landed in the bookstore and we read through them to get an idea of what they were like.
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BigDun
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« Reply #64 on: June 10, 2011, 12:09:39 AM »

I'm pretty convinced that I'm alergic to sunlight.
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16:26:25 [DownSouth] I'm in a monkey rutt
swolt
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call me the super-sexy boogyman slayer


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« Reply #65 on: June 10, 2011, 09:35:11 AM »

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A clever man commits no minor blunders.
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