I'm drowning my depression

[sapphirehart]

I have already taken a xanax and have consumed two 10 oz glasses of white russians....will this day never end?

[eo000]

with that combo, it should end soon.  try to stay away from heavy farm equipment.

[nishi]

holy cats, sapph! that's some serious drowning! are you doing ok?

[OBB]

Yeah Sapph, what's going on?

[Bishamonten]

In my dream I was drowning my sorrows
But my sorrows they learned to swim
Surrounding me, going down on me
Spilling over the brim
In waves of regret, waves of joy
I reached out for the one I tried to destroy
You, you said you'd wait until the end of the world

[Jessie]

I'd like to echo the 'are you ok' sentiments.

Anything you need to talk about or that we can help with?

[Gamplayerx]

You all right, Sapph?

[ignom]

I hope she's ok this morning.

[DownSouth]

I hope she's alright.  She's probably still asleep.  I took xanax last night and slept like a rock.

[Jessie]

Xanax and drinking together is a bad idea.

/voice of reason

[Beefy]

Xanax and drinking together is a bad idea.

/voice of reason

*bemused silence*

[sapphirehart]

I was handed a huge project at work that has an unreasonable deadline...on top of everything else that I have to do (tradeshows, travel arrangements, payroll, etc)

Terry is being unreasonable with his demands of a clean house.  I do cook a hot meal every night...and he always has clean clothes.  I just refuse to pick up after everyone and three dogs when they could do it themselves (okay, maybe the dogs can't pick up after themselves but I'm not the only one living in the house).

Plus, I have to account for every dime that I spend when I pay bills by requesting the specific amount of money from him (which makes me feel like I'm at work and having to request a check from accounting).

I went to bed last night at 8pm and woke up this morning feeling quite refreshed.

I am truly sorry that I had you guys concerned.  I didn't mean to get you all worried.

[Beefy]

That does sound unreasonable.  And sucky.

[Infobahn]

I'm still of the feeling you need to dump his sorry ass.

[Beefy]

I'm still of the feeling you need to dump his sorry ass.

Thank you for saying what I wanted to.

[ignom]

He doesn't deserve you.

[sapphirehart]

But I'm not perfect...I've made some huge mistakes.... so I feel that for all the horrible things I've done, I'm only getting back and being treated for what I deserve.

[Beefy]

But I'm not perfect...I've made some huge mistakes.... so I feel that for all the horrible things I've done, I'm only getting back and being treated for what I deserve.

You, DS, and I need to get together and smack one another in the face.

[DownSouth]

But I'm not perfect...I've made some huge mistakes.... so I feel that for all the horrible things I've done, I'm only getting back and being treated for what I deserve.

You, DS, and I need to get together and smack one another in the face.

So true.  I'm thinking elecroshock therapy.

[sapphirehart]

But I'm not perfect...I've made some huge mistakes.... so I feel that for all the horrible things I've done, I'm only getting back and being treated for what I deserve.

You, DS, and I need to get together and smack one another in the face.

I bruise easily...how about you smack me somewhere that it doesn't show?   

[Beefy]

I bruise easily...how about you smack me somewhere that it doesn't show?   

In the closet?

[sapphirehart]

I bruise easily...how about you smack me somewhere that it doesn't show?   

In the closet?

But I'm afraid of the dark. 

[ignom]

Don't think of your mistakes as mistakes but as teachers. You can't change the past, but you can control your future, and all that mumbo jumbo.

[Jessie]

MaryBeth, I can relate to how you feel about deserving it, and bringing it on yourself and all of that.

In my last relationship, I put up with constant verbal abuse, unreal control issues, and sometimes physical abuse.

I excused his behavior for many reasons.  I stayed because I knew he was sick (bi-polar at a minimum) and was seeking treatment (he was on a variety of meds and in and out of therapy).  I stayed because I was scared to be alone.  I stayed because I didn't want to take another male figure out of Timothy's life (this is of course absurd, since he was in no way a positive influence on his life).  I stayed because I didn't want to admit failure.  I stayed becasue I didn't want everyone to be right about my mistake.  But probably more than anything, I stayed because I thought I deserved it.

I absolutely played a part in our troubles.  I threw shit, I broke shit, I screamed, I acted like a crazy person and a child.

Then one day, I stopped.

I stopped fighting, I stopped losing my temper.  I stopped everything that I had done that had made me feel to blame.

But you know what, he didn't stop.  He never stopped being abusive.  At that point, I decided that I didn't deserve it, and I left.

You don't deserve it either.  If you feel like you're doing something right now that brings it on, stop doing it.  See if he changes.  

You don't deserve to be punished at all, but more than anything you don't deserve to be punished if you aren't doing anything wrong.

You deserve better, you can do better.  You don't need him.  It feels like it, I know it does.  All those fears of starting over and being alone and how it will affect your kids, man, I know them so well.

But let me tell you something.  Since I came back to Kentucky, I've dealt with living in a place that I hate, with a man I can't stand, I've lost my step-brother, my baby brother has left for Iraq, I'm scared shitless about money, I'm commuting 140 miles a day, I'm dealing with some other issues, and I'm still happier than I was in Georgia.

Whatever you do or don't do, and whenever you do it, we're here for you, and I know what you're going through.

Hugs.

[Bishamonten]

Mistakes in a relationship do not give the other party carte blanche, he is still responsible for his actions.