Dogs Are Never Depressed

[Listener]

(except my sister's dog, who fakes it to get attention.  really.)

From comedian Jake Johannsen.  Paraphrased.

***

I broke up with my girlfriend, and I'm a little down, so my friend tells me, "Jake, dogs are never depressed."

Like I'm supposed to ask a dog what to do.

"Well, have you tried laying in the sun until you're really really hot, and then moving into the shade?"

"How about eating your food so fast you don't know where it went?"

"Have you tried sniffing an ass?"

***

And I believe this was Lord Carrett...

***

It seems as though the healthiest foods are the ones that taste the worst.  My cat seems to lick his own ass a lot, and he's never sick.

***

[Beefy]

Jake Johannsen did one of the funniest one hour HBO comedy stand-up specials I have ever seen.

[Listener]

Jake Johannsen did one of the funniest one hour HBO comedy stand-up specials I have ever seen.

I have it on CD.  "This'll Take About An Hour"

I love his bits on aliens.  And on the phone guy.

[BigDun]

Jake Johannsen did one of the funniest one hour HBO comedy stand-up specials I have ever seen.

I have it on CD.  "This'll Take About An Hour"

I love his bits on aliens.  And on the phone guy.

I had dinner in Chicago with my brother and a bunch of his friends. One of them is Jake's sister. She's pretty funny too.

[Beefy]

Jake Johannsen did one of the funniest one hour HBO comedy stand-up specials I have ever seen.

I have it on CD.  "This'll Take About An Hour"

I love his bits on aliens.  And on the phone guy.

I will paypal you money for a copy of that.

[ReBurn]

Jake Johannsen did one of the funniest one hour HBO comedy stand-up specials I have ever seen.

I have it on CD.  "This'll Take About An Hour"

I love his bits on aliens.  And on the phone guy.

I had dinner in Chicago with my brother and a bunch of his friends. One of them is Jake's sister. She's pretty funny too.

Is she hot?

[BigDun]

Jake Johannsen did one of the funniest one hour HBO comedy stand-up specials I have ever seen.

I have it on CD.  "This'll Take About An Hour"

I love his bits on aliens.  And on the phone guy.

I had dinner in Chicago with my brother and a bunch of his friends. One of them is Jake's sister. She's pretty funny too.

Is she hot?

She has a pretty face.

She has some self esteem issues that have led to a weight problem.

[ignom]

They're never depressed because all dogs go to heaven.

[Listener]

Jake Johannsen did one of the funniest one hour HBO comedy stand-up specials I have ever seen.

I have it on CD.  "This'll Take About An Hour"

I love his bits on aliens.  And on the phone guy.

I will paypal you money for a copy of that.

Why?  I didn't pay for it.

Uploading it to the dump now.