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General Categories => Two Legs Good.... Four Legs Sometimes Better => Topic started by: Grumpus on April 04, 2005, 11:54:29 PM

Title: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Grumpus on April 04, 2005, 11:54:29 PM
I love the monkeys.  I'd take one over a doggie anyday. Pick your favorite primate at
http://www.our-pets.net/forsale.htm
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: eo000 on April 05, 2005, 06:36:31 AM
Dibs on the cottontop.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Jessie on April 05, 2005, 06:57:29 AM
(http://www.primatestore.com/jake_rhesus_macaque.jpg)

I want that one.  He looks crazy.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: eo000 on April 05, 2005, 07:02:35 AM
the real reason jessie want's that one (http://pic16.picturetrail.com/VOL669/2566351/5147303/91935976.jpg)
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 07:11:09 AM
I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Jessie on April 05, 2005, 07:11:40 AM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 07:11:09 AM
I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: OBB on April 05, 2005, 07:21:06 AM
If I got a pet monkey, I'd name it Dr. Zaius.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: BigDun on April 05, 2005, 07:33:44 AM
Touch My Monkey!

(http://www.randomshiznat.com/Intros/WarGames/dieter.jpg)
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: ReBurn on April 05, 2005, 08:59:18 AM
I want a babboon with a big red ass.  Those are funny.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 10:34:28 AM
Quote from: jessie on April 05, 2005, 07:11:40 AM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 07:11:09 AM
I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

My dad's next door neighbor had the cutest monkey.  They had this enclosure built next to the pool for him (at night he slept inside in the daughter's room in a little monkey hammock).  The monkey had tons of these colored plastic balls in various sizes that he would squash flat so that they'd fit through the bars and he could pelt people with them.  Apparantly, they also fit nicely between the grill of the space heater. 
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: ReBurn on April 05, 2005, 10:35:34 AM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 10:34:28 AM
Quote from: jessie on April 05, 2005, 07:11:40 AM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 07:11:09 AM
I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

My dad's next door neighbor had the cutest monkey.  They had this enclosure built next to the pool for him (at night he slept inside in the daughter's room in a little monkey hammock).  The monkey had tons of these colored plastic balls in various sizes that he would squash flat so that they'd fit through the bars and he could pelt people with them.  Apparantly, they also fit nicely between the grill of the space heater. 
Stupid monkey.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Jessie on April 05, 2005, 10:41:53 AM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 10:34:28 AM
Quote from: jessie on April 05, 2005, 07:11:40 AM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 07:11:09 AM
I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

My dad's next door neighbor had the cutest monkey.  They had this enclosure built next to the pool for him (at night he slept inside in the daughter's room in a little monkey hammock).  The monkey had tons of these colored plastic balls in various sizes that he would squash flat so that they'd fit through the bars and he could pelt people with them.  Apparantly, they also fit nicely between the grill of the space heater. 

Oh man that's funny.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Jessie on April 05, 2005, 10:42:13 AM
Quote from: jessie on April 05, 2005, 10:41:53 AM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 10:34:28 AM
Quote from: jessie on April 05, 2005, 07:11:40 AM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 07:11:09 AM
I really want a monkey.  If I had one, I wouldn't let it die a fiery death like my dad's next door neighbor.

Details, girlfriend!

My dad's next door neighbor had the cutest monkey.  They had this enclosure built next to the pool for him (at night he slept inside in the daughter's room in a little monkey hammock).  The monkey had tons of these colored plastic balls in various sizes that he would squash flat so that they'd fit through the bars and he could pelt people with them.  Apparantly, they also fit nicely between the grill of the space heater. 

Oh man that's funny.

Ok, maybe it's kinda sad, too.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Beefy on April 05, 2005, 10:42:34 AM
Poor thing.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: BigDun on April 05, 2005, 10:52:36 AM
Did everyone know that July 21 was Monkey Day?
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: ReBurn on April 05, 2005, 10:53:27 AM
Quote from: BigDun on April 05, 2005, 10:52:36 AM
Did everyone know that July 21 was Monkey Day?
Do you know that it isn't July yet?  Although I suppose you could be talking about last July.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: BigDun on April 05, 2005, 10:55:28 AM
Quote from: ReBurninator on April 05, 2005, 10:53:27 AM
Quote from: BigDun on April 05, 2005, 10:52:36 AM
Did everyone know that July 21 was Monkey Day?
Do you know that it isn't July yet?  Although I suppose you could be talking about last July.

I just think everyone should mark their calendar now. And start thinking of appropriate gifts to give their loved ones on Monkey Day.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Beefy on April 05, 2005, 11:05:43 AM
Quote from: BigDun on April 05, 2005, 10:55:28 AM
I just think everyone should mark their calendar now. And start thinking of appropriate gifts to give their loved ones on Monkey Day.

Eat some little plastic hearts the night before and then on the 21st fling your poo at your loved ones.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Gamplayerx on April 05, 2005, 11:52:46 AM
Quote from: BigDun on April 05, 2005, 10:55:28 AM
Quote from: ReBurninator on April 05, 2005, 10:53:27 AM
Quote from: BigDun on April 05, 2005, 10:52:36 AM
Did everyone know that July 21 was Monkey Day?
Do you know that it isn't July yet?  Although I suppose you could be talking about last July.

I just think everyone should mark their calendar now. And start thinking of appropriate gifts to give their loved ones on Monkey Day.

Okay.  I put it on the calendar for ya!
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: cnamon on April 05, 2005, 02:09:23 PM
I want a monkey!  I want him to wear a smoking jacket and drink tequila.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Jessie on April 05, 2005, 02:12:47 PM
monkey smoking jacket brings back no gis results, but monkey tequila found this, the cutest thing EVER

(http://portal.tequila.fortytwo.nl/modules/xoopsgallery/cache/albums/album88/funny_monkey.thumb.jpg)
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: eo000 on April 05, 2005, 08:28:35 PM
Quote from: cnamon on April 05, 2005, 02:09:23 PM
I want a monkey!  I want him to wear a smoking jacket and drink tequila.
how much you paying?
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Jessie on July 15, 2005, 07:54:47 AM
Quote from: Jessie on April 05, 2005, 02:12:47 PM
monkey smoking jacket brings back no gis results, but monkey tequila found this, the cutest thing EVER

(http://portal.tequila.fortytwo.nl/modules/xoopsgallery/cache/albums/album88/funny_monkey.thumb.jpg)

Monkey Day is almost here, and those are still the cutest monkey babies ever.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Alice on July 19, 2005, 01:36:15 PM
I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look
a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. Then
they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta dropped dead.
Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over
my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It
looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked
for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to
smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't
want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so
I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food
in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had
to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen
monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my
bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use
the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was
not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a
wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking
about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they
like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched
them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

/not mine
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Jessie on July 19, 2005, 02:22:18 PM
Monkey Balls!
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Gamplayerx on July 19, 2005, 02:33:48 PM
That's awesome, alice.  Who's is it?
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: DownSouth on July 19, 2005, 02:44:13 PM
That was fantastic alice.
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: Alice on July 19, 2005, 02:51:52 PM
Quote from: Gamplayerx on July 19, 2005, 02:33:48 PM
That's awesome, alice.  Who's is it?
I'm not sure.  I got it in an email from my best friend when I was in HS. 
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: cnamon on July 21, 2005, 09:43:59 AM
Happy Monkey Day!
Title: Re: Monkeys for sale
Post by: eo000 on July 21, 2005, 09:47:06 AM
 ;D

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